just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
