I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
