Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you told grandpa to call you daddy
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
