I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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