did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
