I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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