Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
