i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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