It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
