I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
