That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
