Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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