I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
