haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
