Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
