the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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