I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
