4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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