whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
