Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
