so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my shit smells like andre
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
