it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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