First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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