I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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