omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
