last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
