The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
