My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I forget how to act sober
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
