there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
