I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
