Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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