Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
