is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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