I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
