You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it hurts more in the daytime
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
