pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
