Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize