I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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