that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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