based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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