She's JV to your varsity
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
