My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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