He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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