lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have tasted many bathrooms
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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