turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
