please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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