When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
