Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
