Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
