we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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