You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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