The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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