If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
