I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
