Dual....:-)
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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