so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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