The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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