my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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