My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize