At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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