someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
