I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize