I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
